


Time Makes Lovers Feel Like They've Got Something Real.

by butcherbaker17maker



Series: The Benefactor [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 19:40:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12637845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butcherbaker17maker/pseuds/butcherbaker17maker
Summary: Five years in China is too long.Twenty years in jail is too long.An entire lifetime together is not enough.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Adelin (@ highquality17ficrecs.tumblr.com), to whom you are all indebted. Without her, I would never have written this and ended things where they were.

Five years in China was a long time, he realized. Too long. Seoul was ever-changing, he knew that from his time spent here, but five years was too much. Everything was changed. Even Mingyu, sweet, lovable, puppy-like Mingyu had grown out of his puppy years and was a man. Their lunch had been fun but short, and they were going to meet up for dinner again later so Soonyoung could marvel at the man his friend had become.

Yes, Seoul had changed, but _this_ was something Soonyoung could never have imagined. The dark tower stood amidst the other skyscrapers like a pillar of death, blackened, a husk of what it used to be.

_It can’t be. It can’t be! That’s impossible. No way… right?_

It was embarrassing just how well his memory worked: how, automatically, he swerved through the streets of Seoul to get there. How he knew where to anticipate the lights, how he knew to take which alleyways. He still knew the route as if he had travelled it yesterday.

He slowed. The engine cut. He found his feet on the sidewalk, staring up at it. Black from the fourth floor up. Abandoned. Door broken out. Tape around it. A notice declaring it an unsafe site. Weeds growing between cracks in the pavement around it.

_Oh God, oh God, oh God. No, no, no, no! Please, God no._

He didn’t even think of it. He simply got back onto the bike and hit the streets again. This route took a little more thought: he worked hard to recognize the unrecognizable turns and roundabouts to get there. It was a crazed frenzy that took him down several wrong turns before he could calm down enough to think rationally, and get himself there. The engine was barely cut before he flung himself at the door, hitting the _P_ button before even checking the name beside it.

_Xu Minghao._

_Minghao. Minghao lives here now. Why does Minghao live here now? Doesn’t matter. I don’t know where else to look for him. Minghao will know. Minghao will know._

The door buzzed open without Minghao’s voice ever coming through the box: Soonyoung simply burst through the door, hitting the button for the elevator, already breathless.

_Calm down, Soonyoung. Calm down. It’s okay. I’m sure it’s all okay. Minghao will be there to explain it. Minghao will explain everything. Nothing bad has happened. You just need to calm down._

The elevator ride up gave him enough time to smooth over his hair with help from the mirror there and smooth out his clothes: when he stepped out he looked slightly less like a madman, and slightly more like an anxious fool.

He was tumbling through the door as Minghao opened another with a gleeful grin. “Hello, Mr. Pizza man!”

There was a moment of silence as they stood there, staring at each other.

Unchanged. Minghao was utterly and completely unchanged. He still had that curly brown hair, still had that lovely face, still was the same.

The man simply stood in the door of his apartment, half-shocked and half-terrified, as if he was staring at a ghost. “…I don’t think you’re the pizza man,” he eventually whispered.

Soonyoung somehow found himself still panting a little. “I just – I only just got back,” he mumbled, working to make his voice louder. “I just saw the tower, I… I didn’t…”

“Minghao? Is it not the pizza guy?”

The figure that moved in the doorway _had_ changed. He had definitely, impossibly changed. His tall stature was thinner than it had ever been: his hair had initial, tell-tale wisps of grey at the edges; but it was his face that was well and truly _different_. The left side of his face, from hairline down past the collar of his shirt, was mottled. The skin was scarred, an ugly network of pink and white lines driving over his face in a frenzied pattern, one that sealed his left eye shut. “Minghao-oh.”

Soonyoung couldn’t feel his face. He couldn’t feel what expression he had.

Seokmin’s face had been burned. Seokmin’s face had been horrifically, horribly, nightmarishly burned in fire.

A dull pain began to ache in Soonyoung’s stomach as the three of them stood in the doorway and stared at each other.

It took Soonyoung a moment to collect himself. “Uh… I-I’m sorry. I – I shouldn’t have come here. I just… I just got back, and I saw the office had burned down and I… I panicked, and I… I had no idea that…”

Seokmin looked away from Soonyoung so quickly – whipped his head away _so quickly_ – that the dull ache suddenly became a single, searing stab.

“Soo-Soonyoung. No! No, no.” Minghao walked forward to embrace him in a warm hug. “Don’t be silly. Wow, it’s been way too long.”

Soonyoung hugged him back, surprised, but unable to take his eyes off Seokmin’s retreating form. “Y-yeah, it really has.”

Minghao turned back to glare at Seokmin before lowering his voice. “Don’t mind him. Don’t judge him too harshly. He’s…”

“No, it was my fault. I shouldn’t have come back here. I just – I just panicked.”

“Why?”

Soonyoung gulped. “You know why.”

“…right, right. Listen – ah.” The elevator sprang open and Minghao took the pizza box from the delivery boy with a bow. “This is for him, I was going out to do some groceries.”

“Uh, so, is this your house now?”

“No, we live together.” Minghao held up a hand, carefully balancing the pizza in the other. “As friends, of course. Loyal, good friends.”

Soonyoung nodded a moment, mulling it over. “I see.”

“Do you… do you want to stay with him? Until I come back.”

He froze. “I… if he… does he… maybe I…?”

“It’ll be fine.” Minghao handed Soonyoung the pizza and winked once. “Promise. _Seokmin!_ I’m going out for groceries now.” He pushed Soonyoung into the apartment and shut the door with a bang.

It took the architect a moment to pull himself out of his sneakers and gently pad into the apartment. The interior had been considerably normalized, with no more crystal vases and chandelier: it looked like any other bachelor pad, rather than the glorified house of money it had been the last time he was here.

Seokmin looked up in surprise when he heard him, but then quickly returned to his previous stance: sitting on the edge of his seat, face buried in both hands.

Soonyoung very carefully placed the pizza box on the coffee table. “Do… do you want me to leave?” he asked softly.

Seokmin didn’t move for a moment. “That’s probably for the best,” he whispered, voice weak.

Soonyoung nodded a few times to himself, and turned away, the stabbing pain in his stomach erupting. He pulled a tums out of his coat pocket as if it was nothing on his way out of the apartment; demolished it in the elevator; got back on his bike and revved the engine. He was halfway down the street, waiting for a light when he heard it.

First it was just a warble, barely existing past the distant rumble of thunder; then it got louder until it was almost audible over the sound of his motorbike and lightning and through the padding of his helmet. He ripped the item off his head, turning back.

At the top of the building, out on the balcony, stood a screaming figure, soaking in the rain, never minding the storm.

“ _SOONYOUNG! SOONYOUNG, COME BACK SOONYOUNG! PLEASE COME BACK! DON’T GO! DON’T LEAVE ME AGAIN! SOONYOUNG COME BACK! SOONYOUNG! **PLEASE!**_ ”

His decision was made instantly: against the lights, Soonyoung made an illegal U-turn and sped down a one-way street, hurrying to get back to the building: he zipped past an elderly tenant of another apartment building in the doorway and scampered into the elevator, jiggling his feet in anticipation. He leaned on the doorbell heavily, impatiently.

Seokmin opened it, hair dripping, tears streaming down his cheeks.

He stood there, panting for a few moments.

“You… came back?”

“Of course I came back.”

“Soo-…” Seokmin held his arms out for only a second before dropping them again, and the knife in Soonyoung’s gut twisted as he realized just how much he would have liked to fall into those open arms again. “Uh… come in.”

Soonyoung re-entered, taking his shoes off again. Seokmin only stood a few steps away, watching him: he walked backwards into the living room, and sat on the couch. “Sit, sit.”

Soonyoung sat.

“Uhm – can I get you something? Drink or?”

“N-no, that’s okay.” Soonyoung waved his hand, wincing a little. It felt strange, and _wrong_ , to be so formal with him. With the man he’d spent so much time with, had loved _so much_. “Um… I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have come at all. It was just instinct.”

Seokmin looked away from him for a moment. “No, that’s… I’m glad you did.” He gulped. “You’re only just back, you said?”

“Yeah, I arrived last night.”

“From China?”

“Uh, from Jeju. I spent a week with everybody before coming back to Seoul. Before that I was in China.”

“I see.”

The two simply sat there for a few moments in silence.

“Thanks for coming back.”

“Thanks for inviting me.” Soonyoung smiled a little, in an attempt it would lighten the mood.

It didn’t.

“You came because of the tower, right?”

“It’s completely abandoned. I was so… shocked to see it like that. Because I was in China it was hard to keep up with the news…?”

Seokmin kept his head turned away. “Fire. Innocuous, can you believe it? An old kettle appliance had been left on when everybody went home after work. Power surge. It was an old building. It just… lit up like a fire cracker. There weren’t that many people in there. Dead of night. I was working late, and got out just fine. Then… I remembered Minghao had gone up to one of the floors to grab extra printing ink. He hadn’t made it out. I had to go in and get him. A door had fallen closed behind him and locked. We both got out, though. The building was mostly gone before the fire brigade ever got there.”

“Then… that’s how…”

“The smoke damaged Minghao’s lungs. He’s got more inhalers than you’ve ever seen. They’re all color-coded, too.”

“…and you?”

Seokmin laughed once – a merciless bark of a laugh – and hung his head with a bitter grin, one hand covering his scars. “I’m sure it’s a God-awful sight. Isn’t it? My face.”

“God, Seokmin…”

“I’m sorry you had to see it.” He looked up, suddenly, his eyes intense. “It’s the only time I’ve ever been thankful you left. I thought I could spare you this sight. I was happy you couldn’t see me like…”

Soonyoung looked down a moment. “You should have known that wouldn’t matter to me.”

“…anyway. They tried to skin graft it, but there wasn’t a lot of donor sites available. I kind of put my whole body through the fire. It _is_ grafted, but it’s… not the best.”

Soonyoung felt sick to think of it.

“A lot has changed since you left.”

“Yes.” Soonyoung’s voice sounded funny, and he couldn’t feel his mouth anymore. “I know. A lot. A lot has changed.” He looked up with a funny look. “Y-…your brother?”

The right half of Seokmin’s face became very soft, and a little bright. “A year before the fire, he… he’ll never walk again, but the condition was halted. It’ll never progress again. He’s in a wheelchair. He wants to be a lawyer.”

“Really?” The hope in his voice and sparkle in his eyes was hard to conceal. “He’s really doing all that? That’s great! That’s great news, really great!”

“Yeah, I’m really proud.” Seokmin’s soft smile didn’t sag even a little. “He’s doing so well, working so hard… every day is an adventure for him and it makes me so happy.”

“I’m so glad.”

“You are?” The soft smile disappeared altogether and very suddenly. “…why?”

Soonyoung fidgeted under his gaze. “Well. Um. I guess. I mean for a kid like that to suddenly get such a huge chance in life, shouldn’t I be glad? He’s a good kid you know.”

Seokmin nodded a moment, and silence reigned again.

“How was China?”

“…it was okay.”

“…are you glad you went?”

Soonyoung bit his lip a moment, looking away. “I… I am. I… graduated, learned a lot, worked a lot… I did very well. I became a real architect. I made a lot of friends… and I think it was good that I went. Is… is that terrible?”

There was a strange kind of softness in Seokmin’s eye. Like he had lost something. “Of course not. It’s good that you had a good time.”

Soonyoung had to look away again – very quickly this time, in order to halt tears before they came. “I can’t regret going,” he whispered. “But I wish I could.”

“You wish…?”

“I wish I could regret it. It’s one of the worst _good_ decisions I’ve ever made in my life.”

“…I don’t understand.”

“I know going was the right choice, and I’m glad I went, but at the same time… there’s something huge inside me, something painful… that regrets it. That wishes I’d never gone.”

“Why?”

“Cause it meant leaving. I didn’t want to leave. I was so happy here.”

“…I guess happiness can’t last forever.”

Soonyoung bit his lip until he tasted iron. “Jihoon and Dad say happiness always lasts forever. It needs to take a holiday now and then though.”

Seokmin snorted once. “…well. Maybe.”

Soonyoung looked back at him, the knife in his gut twisting so hard he had to catch his breath a moment. “Seokmin, I…”

“I’m sorry, Soonyoung.”

A moment passed. “W… what for?”

“I’ve been thinking about it. About… you know, back then. I… I didn’t get a chance to apologize at the last moment back then. I know… there must be a lot of bad memories for you from back then. I know that’s my fault. I know I regret it. And I want you to know I’m very, very sorry.”

Soonyoung gulped hard against the sudden bump in his throat. “That’s not… that’s not true. I… my time as part of the mafia holds some of the most terrifying, dark memories I’ve ever had, but… it also has some of the happiest. I was happy with you, Seokmin. Please don’t regret something that made me so happy.”

“…how can you still feel that way? After everything?”

“Does being sad automatically mean you were never happy?”

“…no, but…”

“I… I loved you, Seokmin. Completely.” Soonyoung sighed and buried his face in both hands for a moment before scraping his hair off his forehead. “I’m sorry for the way I broke things off. It wasn’t fair of me.”

“Your family was in danger because of me. I wouldn’t have stayed, either.”

“I shouldn’t have done it. I… I made a promise to you and I broke it. I’m sorry.”

“No! W-why are you apologizing?!” Seokmin stood up suddenly, angry and frenzied, only to lose the passion and sit back down again. “You shouldn’t have stayed as long as you did. We should never have met at all. I shouldn’t have… it’s my fault, you shouldn’t be apologizing for things that were my fault.”

“It wasn’t _all_ your fault. After all, don’t forget Yoon Jeonghan is a deranged fucker.”

Seokmin snorted once, almost smiling. “Yeah, there’s that, too.”

“Anyway, regardless. I don’t think it was fair to break up with you. For a lot of reasons.” Soonyoung stared out the window, avoiding looking at Seokmin at all costs. “I was so, so in love with you. So in love that I wasn’t sure I was going to make it when we broke up. The first two years were… well, not pretty. I don’t know if it was that hard for you or not, but…” Soonyoung trailed off, scowling at the windowsill. “Seokmin?”

“Yes? _No!_ ” The former mafia boss flung himself across the room, but Soonyoung got there first, holding up the picture frame.

“…you still have this?”

Seokmin stood there in shame.

Soonyoung’s thumb gently padded over the engagement picture, a tiny smile playing on his lips. “Wow. Look at us. We were so happy. I can’t believe you still have this.”

“O-of course I do.”

“…you keep it here? Framed and in plain sight?”

Seokmin didn’t make a sound.

Soonyoung stuck a hand inside his jacket, pulling out his wallet: after a short moment, he pulled out an almost identical photograph, holding the two up beside each other. “Mine is all folded up, cause otherwise it wouldn’t fit.”

“You keep it in your wallet?”

“M-hm. That way I won’t lose it and I have it near me at all times.” Soonyoung smiled, looking at the pictures. “That was such a nice day.”

“You think?”

“Of course. Until a homicidal maniac called me to tell me he had kidnapped my family, it was one of the best days of my life. You didn’t like it?”

“I liked it.”

Soonyoung placed the picture frame back on the windowsill and returned to his seat. “Anyway, where was I? Ah, right. Apologizing.”

“I don’t want to hear apologies from you.”

“Then, what?”

“…I don’t know. Tell me you’re smart. Tell me you’re happy. Tell me you had a good time.”

“I did have a good time. Eventually.”

Seokmin wasn’t looking anywhere but the ground. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“I don’t know. Everything.”

“I don’t want to hear apologies from you, either.” Soonyoung scowled. “Not from you.”

The two sat there for a moment in silence until Seokmin finally burst.

“I’m sorry, Soonyoung. This is too hard for me. I’m still in love with you. I still love everything about you. I’m sorry. Even though I’m old and scarred like this, even though I brought you so much misery, I still love you. I still think about you every day. I still want you to be happy. I’m sorry.”

The architect smiled very faintly, the knife suddenly twisting away from his stomach. Everything seemed to fall right into place.

“I still love you, too, Seokmin.”

“Don’t say that.”

“What?”

“Don’t say something like that.” The anger in Seokmin’s eyes was real. “Whether you’re just trying to make me feel better or not, don’t say something like still loving me. Don’t look at me like this and feel good about it. Don’t say things like that. Don’t…”

“Sorry. I can’t do that.” Soonyoung shrugged. “Doesn’t matter what you say. You can’t stop me from loving you. We were meant to be soulmates, you can’t stop that. Neither of us can.”

“That’s not true.” Seokmin’s voice was gruff as he glared at the floor. “I reject that.”

“Quite frankly, I don’t care if you reject it. I embrace it. I’m okay if it’s you. If it’s you for the rest of my life. That’s okay with me.”

“No!”

“Yes.” Soonyoung sat there in complete tranquillity as the man in front of him seemed to be shaking apart. “I love you, Lee Seokmin. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have come back.”

“No.”

“Keep saying _no_ like that, it’s really getting you far.”

“Stop this.”

“I can’t, sorry. I love you. I loved you when I held you during that first storm, I loved you when I was kidnapped, I loved you on our dates, I loved you on sleepy mornings between the sheets, I loved you when my family was endangered. I loved you when I told you I was leaving, I loved you when I said I would stop, I loved you when I was in China, and I love you as I’m sitting here. I was like you at first, too. Trying to deny it, trying to let go, like I promised. It didn’t work. I can’t get over you, and I stopped trying a year ago. I don’t want to, anymore. I’m content to love you like this. Even if it’s one-sided and I’m chasing you for the rest of my life. I’m happy loving you like this.”

“That’s stupid.”

“I’m not going to sit here and fight with you like we’re a couple of toddlers, Lee Seokmin. I have a dinner date with everybody’s favourite Overgrown Idiot Saint Bernard Mingyu, so I’ll be leaving now.” Soonyoung stood up, straightening his clothes. “But I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

Seokmin smiled very gently, staring at nothing. “No you won’t.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’ll forget about me. It’s better that way.”

“Don’t be a dick, it’s not cute. I’ll be back tomorrow morning. With breakfast. And coffee. And possibly donuts, ‘cause you got too skinny.”

“I don’t eat breakfast.”

“Well, you’re going to tomorrow. Walk me to the door.” Soonyoung marched himself to the door, leaving Seokmin to trail after him.

“You haven’t changed,” Seokmin sighed, standing as the architect pulled himself back into his shoes. “Not even a little.”

“Actually, I’ve changed loads. You’d be surprised.”

“Really?”

“Really. There’s lots to talk about – _tomorrow over breakfast._ ”

He shook his head and smiled, a little sad. “I don’t think so. But… thank you for coming today.”

“Lee Seokmin, you need to learn how to listen to people. I’m leaving now. I’ll be back tomorrow, so tell Minghao. One more thing?”

“Yes?”

Soonyoung suddenly put his hands on either side of Seokmin’s face, leaned in and pressed a sweet, small kiss against the man’s lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”


	2. 2

“You’re going to see him?”

Jisoo paused in the doorway. “…yes. Yes, I’m going to see him.”

“…I won’t judge you.” Jihoon rubbed his back a little. “It’s been years since he came here. I won’t pretend I understand, but… take care of yourself, okay?”

“Thanks, Jihoon.”

 

When Jeonghan walked in he flinched, blanked, and froze in the middle of the room.

Jisoo just sat there – for a moment he stared at Jeonghan, but then he quickly focused his eyes on the table. “You… can leave if you want,”  he whispered.

Slowly, Jeonghan came closer, and sat in the chair across from him. “Why are you here?”

“I promised, didn’t I? If you were in jail, that I’d come visit you. At least once. I’m sorry. It’s taken me a while.”

Jeonghan scowled at the table. “I tried to kill your _family_. I wanted to. I was intent on killing every single one of them. If you’d come back three hours later you would have walked into a house full of corpses.”

“…yeah, I guess that’s true.”

“Aren’t you _horrified_ … just to see me?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel anymore. I’m so confused. It still won’t sink in… that you’re the same person as you were in Tokyo, and also the man in my house…”

Jeonghan closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. That doesn’t help, but for what it’s worth. I’m sorry. If I had known… it would have ended very differently.”

“Would it have? Really?”

“Yes. Of course.”

The two stared at the table for a while.

“Do you hate me, Joshua?”

“I don’t know.”

“I think I might hate you, if it’s just a little bit.”

Joshua didn’t even blink. “Okay.”

“Do… do you still love me?”

“I don’t know that, either.”

“I still love you. I still love you a whole lot, Jisoo.”

“...okay.”

Jeonghan and Jisoo stared at the prison cell table for a long time.


	3. 3

“Ah, you brought donuts?”

“Lee Seokmin is approximately the size of a lollipop.” Soonyoung stretched a little. “I spent half my time in China working out. We’ll look silly, the two of us, me like a gorilla on steroids and him like a pre-teen. Where is he?”

“Still asleep, I think.” Minghao suddenly smiled, throwing his arms around Soonyoung. “Hey. Thanks. I missed you lots while you were in China.”

“I missed you too.” Soonyoung hugged him tightly a moment. “Hey, by the way… I’m sorry, last time, we didn’t get to have a proper talk or goodbye. I meant to apologize. Also… about, back then, um…”

Minghao waved a hand. “Don’t worry about it. It was only a crush, anyway.”

“All the same. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t accept your feelings then or now.”

“I know.” He grinned. “It’s cause you and him, you work well together. You’re soulmates, I knew it even back then. Honestly, I don’t wanna come between that. Besides, I have a boyfriend now. We’ve been dating, since the fire actually.”

“Really? What’s his name?”

Minghao blushed, hard. “Don’t tell Seokmin.”

“I won’t.”

“A certain Wen Junhui is…”

Soonyoung broke out into a grin. “Amazing. Double date, soon.”

“If Seokmin knew I was dating Jun of all people, there’d be hell to pay.”

“I’ll pacify him.”

“Can you?” Minghao suddenly went a little paler. “He’s not the same man you left, Soonyoung. He’s different. He’s older and he’s hurt. He’s not the same. He’s… _less_.”

Soonyoung directed an elongated sigh at Seokmin’s bedroom door. “Guess I’ll just have to fall in love with him all over again.”

“Okay, _gross_. You wanna be sappy, please do it after I’m gone. Is this my coffee?”

“Does it say _latte_ on it?”

“It says cappuccino.”

“Take your hands off my cappuccino then.”

Minghao grinned, taking away the cup that said _latte_. “You know what? You’re not the same, either.”

Soonyoung grinned brightly. “You’re right. I’m not. But I’m still me.”

“I gotta run for work. Thanks, Soonyoung. Will I see you later?”

“Sure.”

 

“…you came.”

“Said I would.”

“You didn’t say you’d appear _in my bed beside me._ ”

“If you really hate it, I’ll get out.”

“Why’d you come in, anyway?”

“It looked cosy and warm, and you looked super lonely.”

“Have you secretly turned into a pervert while you were away?”

“That is within the realm of possibility. But consider this. The man I’ve loved for years confessed to me yesterday that he loves me too. What kind of man would I be if I didn’t take that opportunity to be next to him again?”

“You remembered that and came back, huh…”

“Yup.” Soonyoung’s arms snaked around Seokmin’s torso. “So you should be a forgiving host and let me snuggle.”

“You changed.”

“Minghao said the same thing.”

“That treacherous snake let you in just like that…”

“Don’t be angry at Hao. Are you really angry? I’ll leave if you’re that angry.”

“Don’t leave.” Seokmin’s hand reached out to grip Soonyoung’s arm for a moment before releasing. “I mean, ah… y-you can leave if you want to.”

Soonyoung slid an inch closer. “I want to be here with you.”

“Why?”

“Cause I love you.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Why?”

“Why would you love something like me?”

“Because I do. Don’t ask weird questions.”

“Have you forgotten what my face looks like?”

“No. It’s a pity about such a handsome face. But that doesn’t change how I feel.”

“It’s been years. You don’t even know me anymore.”

“I’m here to fall in love with you all over again.”

Seokmin turned, pressing his face into the pillow for a moment. “You’re so frustrating, Kwon Soonyoung. Why? Why can’t you just… leave me behind…”

“I don’t want to, that’s why.”

“When did you become so wilful and direct?”

“About a year ago.”

“Really?”

“M-hm. I’ve been told it’s a very masculine trait. And some people even told me it was kind of sexy.”

“…who told you that?”

“I wonder.”

Seokmin glanced up from his pillow in the darkness. “D-don’t play with me. You had other lovers?”

“Where’d you get that idea?”

“You said they told you it was sexy.”

“People can say I’m sexy and not be my lovers you know.” Soonyoung stretched, lying on his back. “I went out on a few dates, but I never slept with anybody. My dick was _super_ bored. There was a lot of interest, though. Some guys were really serious about wanting to date me.”

“You didn’t fall in love?”

“Course not. Who could come after you?” He stretched again with a loud yawn. “But I’m hoping they’re all right. That it’s masculine and sexy.”

Seokmin thought about it for a while.

“Any particular reason you decided to sleep in clothes?” Soonyoung wrapped a little bit of Seokmin’s cotton in his fist. “You used to always sleep in the nude.”

“…this new Soonyoung… he wouldn’t make fun of me, would he?”

“He wouldn’t. Not you. Minghao, maybe. Mingyu, definitely. But you? Never.”

Seokmin watched him for a moment, deliberating before giving up. “Burn marks. Cover the left side of my whole body. I don’t like it being on display.”

Soonyoung thought about that quietly before pressing himself against Seokmin under the covers, hugging him tightly. “I love you, Seokmin,” he whispered softly. “I love you, I love you so much. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. How else to make it better. I love you. I don’t know what else I could say to bring you comfort. But I love you. I’ve loved you all this time. I love you so much.”

Seokmin suddenly gripped him back, sniffling only a little, burying his face over Soonyoung’s shoulder.

“I love you, Seokmin. I love you, Lee Seokmin. I love you.” His hand stroked over Seokmin’s hair softly. “I love you so much. I still love you. I still love you. You’re still the only one for me. I still love you.”

“I love you too,” Seokmin whispered, almost sounding terrified. “I love you too. I still love you too.”

“What are we gonna do?” Soonyoung smiled through his tears, simply gripping him. “Two idiots who fell in love.”

It took them a while to calm down, but they never moved: Soonyoung simply lay there, holding his lover in his arms.

“Soonyoung?”

“Hmm?”

“Just because we love each other… it doesn’t change anything.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re still all of you. And I’m still whatever this is.” Seokmin didn’t try to move away. “We both changed… so much. And… I don’t think we can… I don’t see how it could… I don’t know you anymore. And you don’t know me. Who are we? We’re not who we used to be. Are we really supposed to be together? Last time… it was all so, _so_ wrong… from that very first moment it was wrong…”

“…I don’t know, Seokmin. My Seokmin. But… I’m here to fall in love with you all over again. I’m here to fall in love with you. This time it’ll be right. If not… then we just keep trying. I believe we’re supposed to be together – if you’re still here, loving me, and I’m still here loving you. We’re meant to be together. I believe that. And more than that – I _want_ to be with you. I was hoping… maybe you’d be with me, too.”

“Can I do that? Can I be that selfish, and… reach out and take you for myself… _again_?”

Soonyoung buried his face in Seokmin’s shoulder a moment. “You don’t have to be. I’ll come forward and stand next to you. All I ask is that when I put my hand in yours, you hold it tightly.”

Seokmin let out a harrowed little breath.

“Is that okay? Can you… agree to those terms?” Soonyoung pulled away to look him in the eye. “Seokmin… will you fall in love with me again?”


	4. 4

He walked out in a hoodie and jeans that didn’t quite fit, and squinted at the sunlight. It was a moment of gentle disorientation, where the concept of _free_ hadn’t really sunk in yet. He simply stumbled away from the door for a few moments before freezing.

The face had changed. It had worn, just like his. It had aged, just like his. But the eyes were still warm and bright. His hair had begun to go a little grey and recede from his forehead, just a little, but he was still all there.

The two elderly men stared at each other.

“Did… did you come… for me?”

The man could only nod.

“For _me_?”

“Yes. Yes, I came for you.”

Jeonghan struggled forward towards him.

“You cut your hair short.”

“Long hair doesn’t look as cool on a sixty-year-old, you know.”

Joshua received him with open arms, and held him in a tight embrace. “Jeonghan… I missed you.”

Jeonghan’s frail fingers gripped his lover’s jacket tightly as he sobbed. “I missed you too. I missed you too.”


	5. 5

Two elderly men sat out in the dying sun, enjoying the warmth of it as their family sat in the garden.

“I’m glad,” the taller old man said, turning slightly to his partner. “I’m glad it worked out, in the end. I’m glad… I’m glad he finally found peace. Even if it’s him… I’m glad they were able to be together. I’m glad he found happiness.”

“Me too,” the shorter one answered. “Imagine the reader’s frustration if it didn’t end like this.”

Seungcheol grinned at his husband. “Yeah. Imagine that.”

“So is that it? Will that be the end of all our troubles and worries?” Jihoon stared at the picturesque scene of his whole family in the garden. “Is that the end of this adventure?”

“Who knows?” Seungcheol smiled gently, moving to take Jihoon’s hand in his. “But if there’s another adventure, I don’t think we’ll be young enough to see it.”

“…let’s not have any more adventures in this family,” he huffed. “I’m tired of them.”

“Me, too.”

“Let’s live peacefully from now on.”

“Okay.”

“I love you.”

“…I love you too.”


	6. A Letter to the Reader

Dear all,

 

As most of you know, THE BENEFACTOR II: BOUND & BEGGING was to be not just the last piece of the series, but my last piece as the author. I will write more about that in my going-away letter.

I just want to thank each and every one of you, silent reader or not, for what you have given me. You've given me a space to create a world that will never exist but in the deepest recesses of our minds. You have given me encouragement, love and caring every step of the way and for it, I am sincerely, sincerely grateful.

 

Thank you all for loving THE BENEFACTOR this much. I hope with this last installment I was able to do you all proud.

 

 

-Arthur


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